I had other stuff I wanted to say here. There were more thoughts and observations I intended to organize and share. I hoped to get around to writing about
the diagnostic process, what it means to be formally vs self diagnosed
levels of support and functioning
united states health care system and insurance in general
defining and realizing disability
major flaws in psychiatry and the limitations of mental health therapy
existing conversation around terms like neurodiversity, neurodivergent, disability, disorder, syndrome, and medical model
the over standardization of schools and society
the varied manifestations of political disenfranchisement
the capitalistic and dehumanizing drives inherent to the public school system since the very beginning
the inadequacies and shortcomings of social services and safety net programs/systems
the negative impact of oversimplifying subjects to fit within the scope of what a social media post can illustrate
reflections on what is actually meant by phrases like hard work, delayed gratification, giving 100%, growth zones, and putting up with discomfort
disenfranchised grief
criticisms of job descriptions, applications, and the hiring process
the rich history of corporations preventing working class uprisings by combating and supplanting all forms of community organizing
the theory of positive disintegration, psychogenic death, over excitabilities, twice-exceptionality, and multipotentialites
But sharing what I have to say about these things in a comprehensible way seems hardly worthwhile or necessary.
I find myself lacking the energy adequate enough to gain escape velocity out of this abysmal state of being. Taking the time to write things on here instead of doing another revision of my resume and cover letter or applying for various insurances and services feels like an irresponsible allocation of the very limited amount of will power I have for navigating the overwhelming unpleasantness of life. I’m typing this now only because my mind is refusing to activate for job applications.
I’ve read and heard enough to know that I wouldn’t be saying anything terribly new. I’m finding that many of my thoughts and ideas were the subject of articles and reports written by specialists years and decades ago. I have observations and realizations that have been expounded upon, well documented, and shared by those with far more experience and expertise. Apparently this stuff is more than wondered, it’s known already. The solutions have been theorized and proposed long before I ever pondered them. Articles and interviews were published before I ever sat to write a sentence. So, what am I even doing this for?
Being a vessel or lens so that known but obscured information may be carried to & interpreted for those it has not yet reached is not an endeavor that I can sustain while I myself am not sustained.
In the end, my final thought will be mine and mine alone.
I don’t need to get a last word in. It has all been said before;