There are a lot of thoughts and ideas that I want to organize, document and share. I’ve considered publishing reflections on these things so many times before but I always talk myself out of it. I think there are some valuable lessons and insights to be gained from my experiences and I’m tired of perfectionism and anxiety getting in the way.
I found out just how neurodivergent I am. The difficult life circumstances that have both led to and resulted from this realization have put a different kind of motivation in me. I think the voices out there right now, at least the ones I've come across, don’t quite represent me well enough to lead me to believe that what I have to say has already been said, or has been said enough. They certainly aren’t saying it the way I would say it.
If I’m being honest, I'm not sure how long I'll be here. I get irritated and angry when I think about disappearing and the truth not being known and/or a lie being propogated. I think some problems need to at least be called, otherwise it feels way too unfair. I know, life is unfair but my life smells like injustice. There’s a great edification that could be missed. It actually might still be missed but I have to at least do my part and clear my conscience. I hear regret takes the soul before decay takes the body. (I’ve never heard that before. I just made that up.)
What exactly do I want to accomplish? I’m unsure. I hope at the very least someone learns or is inspired. Ideally, this facilitates some positive change in the world. We’ll see.
P.S.
In an effort to tackle my tendency to overthink and overanalyze, I’ve sought to publish what’s good enough for now rather than wait until I can convey everything perfectly. My life is spiraling and falling apart in multiple domains so I can’t access the headspace to sit and comfortably and perfectly craft all this. It’s a blog, not an academic article. I’m not looking for a debate nor am I trying to convince you of anything.
I am just sharing a truth.