One motivation I have for writing this new series of blog posts is for representation.
After my diagnosis was suggested and then confirmed, I started digesting so much autism, adhd, neurodivergent content. I’m talking a massive amount of posts on twitter and instagram, audio books, lectures, podcasts, interviews, journal articles, youtube vloggers, etc. I probably did too much too fast. I was previously well aware of the subject but only in a distant and academic sense. The research and learning I was doing now was much more in depth. In all my perusing, I noticed a trend in who is creating most of the media about autism. I didn’t find a lot of people with whom I could identify with or had a compelling overlap in experience.
I asked myself, “where are all the adult male autistics who are (racialized as) Black?”
And in seconds an answer emerged in my mind, “Oh, they’re probably all dead. Or incarcerated. Or living on the streets.”
Discovering & Searching for Black Autistic Men Online
I’ve only ever come across a few. And most of them are just one time interviews. Maybe half of them are late diagnosed, meaning they found out well into adulthood.
Lou Ratchet (creates comedy sketches).
Tony Snell interview (NBA player)
That Autistic Black Man (video essayist)
I happened upon his video soon after it was first uploaded. But when searching for it in order to share the link, I could NOT find it. I thought I saved it to a playlist and subscribed but apparently I didn’t. I could not recall the video’s title nor the channel’s name. By typing in “autistic black men” on youtube, it did not appear in the results. I assumed maybe he deleted the video and channel. When I typed in “autistic black men” on google to try to find more examples for this post, I did end up stumbling upon the link though it was further down the page.
Dreadful4Tymes (I don’t know how I came across him. someone probably retweeted him)
Tré Ventour-Griffiths (grad student whose writing I found while perusing the neuroclastic website per recommendation of the psychologist who assessed me)
To be clear, this isn’t me naming a select few of the many I know about and have collected. This is me naming all 8 of the specific living Black men that have shared their experience. That’s all I’ve come across in the 6 months of diving into the subject of adult autism. Searching for Black men specifically, a common sense approach, didn’t typically yield better results. I was served up a mixture of articles about how Black people are underrepresented in autism studies, a couple lists of Black autistics, stories of parents with a Black autistic child, and then news reports of dead Black autistic boys and men. Not a whole lot of information about the experiences of living Black autistic men.
So back to the main story…
Considering my own struggles over the last few years and the serious misfortune that seems to be lingering over me, I began to wonder something. What percentage of the homeless/unhoused and incarcerated is in that situation as a result of long term undiagnosed and untreated mental and emotional health struggles? We already know that the US prison population is full of people who are victims of poverty and/or untreated mental health disorders. We have already bore witness to state sanctioned violence against and termination of Black boys and men. And isn’t homelessness a known passageway and purgatory towards and after prison? Cities and states across the US implement policies and practices that criminalize the effects and symptoms of poverty. If by some misfortune you are a Black man that happens to fall out of society, it seems that you will inevitably suffer homelessness, incarceration, and/or an early death.
Is that why it’s been hard to see any representation online? I’m aware that Black people only make up less than 13% of the US population. I know Black men are disproportionately victims of the carceral state and violent crimes. I suppose mental health is taboo in the Black community. It’s literally all anyone ever talks about. In 10 years the discourse and conversations have not progressed beyond find a therapist, call this hotline, and “check on your people”. (if only i had the ability to describe the physical sensation i felt while typing that sentence. alexithymia. classic autism). Though some segments of social media advocate for it, other parts of it and, more importantly, all of real life discourages emotional intelligence in men. So maybe we ain’t out here because we just don’t have the numbers. Maybe the hegemony dissuades us from participating in this kind of storytelling? But the internet is occupied by more than just people in North America and the UK. Where are all the neurodivergent people amongst the world’s melanated, global majority? Do they not have vaccines in India, Ghana, and Somalia? … I’m kidding! American pharmaceutical companies only send those countries expired medicines. Can’t catch autism from a powerless vaccine. …again, I’m joking! You can’t catch autism from a vaccine. You also can’t catch autism. It’s not contagious like that. Now social contagion, that’s another story. :-P Now that I’ve either adequately humored or frustrated you, I’m ready to move on.
I think I speak for all of us here when I say that we’re all quite tired of the only illustration of autism being the precocious, knowledgeable white boy who is socially clumsy, flaps his hands, and is extremely particular about things. I know that until recently, women have not been well represented in the research and have not been captured in the picture of how ASD and ADHD manifests. I get that they’re kind of having a moment of redemption. But damn, that pendulum sure does like to overcorrect doesn’t it? I personally am very tired and a bit annoyed with how things are looking right now. I find that much of the new emerging understandings of what autism can look like, what’s bubbling to the top is kind of indiscernible from certain female tv/movie character tropes. There’s the rambling quirky one that loves animals, rainbows, the arts and is always putting her foot in her mouth. Then there’s the delicate, bookish outcast always on the verge of a panic attack. By the way, both of them are white women. Some people might add that some of the new representations of neurodivergence seem quite infantile and could be harmful. Maybe, I don’t know. That’s just not what I’m here to discuss. I do have a theory that the new and narrow representation is at least partially a result of who might be the largest user base of platforms with short form content and who these platforms allow to be seen and successful.
I’m doing this because I think a greater variety of stories and perspectives need to be shared. I think my experiences need to be represented or else more Black men will end up suffering, homeless, in prison, and dead before they had to be. I think the need might be severe and I might have something like a moral obligation. (for the record, i know calling it a moral obligation is my own pathology talking)
When I go looking for the testimonies and wisdom of those with late diagnosed neurodevelopmental disorders who have been high masking and living without accomodations up until they burnt out, I don’t come across Black men. I don’t really come across many Black people. All things considered, like statistically, I probably shouldn’t still be here. And who knows how long I will be? I guess I really have to release this soon. Gotta get this all on the record. There are lessons to be learned.