I am Loki of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose.
My life does not look like what I imagined and hoped for. I’m not the person I was trying to be. I’m not even on the trajectory. I don’t know if I’ve been using the wrong tactics or playing the wrong game but I know that I am all out of steam.
I’ve been trying to save face, finesse a rebound, and salvage pieces of the soothing fictions I tell myself in order to build a way back to the ever elongating path to what now seems to be a mirage. A fool’s errand. I think I have to give this up. Give up this unfulfilled version of myself. Always high potential but never realized.
Not every show must go on. Attachment to this persona and this pursuit isn’t helping me. I am not the hyper independent, super capable, ambitious, overcoming problem solver I strove to be. This expectation and aspiration is weighing me down and draining me. Whatever the rewards might’ve been, I’ve surpassed those and am feeling the costs.
I have to try something else.